I think, therefore, I joke - I joke, therefore, you better laugh (Jan/30/2009 )

Excerpted from an address by Nancy Scheper-Hughes to the graduates of the UC Berkeley Department of Anthropology on May 20, 2005.

I never take risk while drinking.
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When I come from office in the evening, wife is cooking


I can hear the noise of utensils in the kitchen


I stealthily enter the house


Take out the bottle from my black cupboard


Gandhiji is looking at me from the photo frame


But still no one is aware of it


Becoz I never take a risk
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I take out the glass from the rack above the old sink


Quickly enjoy one peg


Wash the glass and again keep it on the rack


Of course I also keep the bottle inside my cupboard


Gandhiji is giving a smile

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I peep into the kitchen


Wife is cutting potatoes


No one is aware of what I did


Becoz I never take a risk
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I to my wife : Any news on chopra's daughter's marriage


Wife : Nope, she doesn't seem to be that lucky. Still they are looking
out for her .
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I again come out; there is a small noise of the black cupboard


But I don't make any sound while taking out the bottle


I take out the glass from the old rack above sink


Quickly enjoy one peg
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Wash the bottle and keep it in the sink


Also keep the Black Glass in the cupboard


But still no one is aware of what I did


Becoz I never take a risk
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I to Wife : But still I think chopra's daughter's age is not that much


Wife: What are you saying? She is 28 yrs old... like an aged horse


I: (I forgot her age is 28) Oh Oh...
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I again take out potatoes out from my black cupboard


But the cupboard's place has automatically changed


I take out the bottle from the rack and quickly enjoy one peg in the
sink .
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Gandhiji laughs loudly


I keep the rack in the potatoes & wash Shivaji Maharaj's photo & keep it
in the black cupboard .
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Wife is keeping the sink on the stove


But still no one is aware of what I did


Becoz I never take a risk
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I to Wife: (getting angry) you call Mr. chopra a horse? If you say that


again, I willcut your tongue...!


Wife: Don't just blabber something, go out and sit quietly...
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I take out the bottle from the potatoes


Go in the black cupboard and enjoy a peg


Wash the sink and keep it over the rack


Wife is giving a smile
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Gandhiji is still cooking


But still no one is aware of what I did


Becoz I never take a risk
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I to Wife : (laughing) So chopra is marrying a horse!!


Wife: Hey go and sprinkle some water on your face...
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I again go to the kitchen, and quietly sit on the rack


Stove is also on the rack


There is a small noise of bottles from the room outside .
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I peep and see that wife is enjoying a peg in the sink


But none of the horses are aware of what I did


Becoz Gandhiji never takes a risk .
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Chopra is still cooking


And I am looking at my wife from the photo and laughing


Becoz I never take...... never take ..... never take what??? I
never
take a potato I think...

....you wrote this, PI? I don't think Gandhiji would see the humour in this....

let us change it to obama then... i m sure he will appriciate this and moreover nabi-san will be happy too!!!

A large two engined train was crossing America. After they had gone some distance one of the engines broke down. "No problem," the engineer thought, and carried on at half power.

Farther on down the line, the other engine broke down, and the train came to a standstill.

The engineer decided he should inform the passengers about why the train had stopped, and made the following announcement:

"Ladies and gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. The bad news is that both engines have failed, and we will be stuck here for some time. The good news is that you decided to take the train and not fly."

The day finally arrived. Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He is at the Pearly Gates, met by St. Peter himself. However, the gates are closed, and Forrest approaches the gatekeeper.

St. Peter said, "Well, Forrest, it is certainly good to see you. We have heard a lot about you I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we have been administering an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can get into Heaven."

Forrest responds, "It sure is good to be here, St. Peter, sir. But nobody ever told me about any entrance exam. I sure hope that the test ain't too hard. Life was a big enough test as it was."

St. Peter continued, "Yes, I know Forrest, but the test is only three questions. First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T? Second: How many seconds are there in a year? Third: What is God's first name?"

Forrest leaves to think the questions over.

He returns the next day and sees St. Peter, who waves him up, and says, "Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over, give me your answers"

Forrest replied, "Well, the first one -- which two days in the week begins with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one is easy. That would be Today and Tomorrow."

The Saint's eyes opened wide and he exclaimed, "Forrest, that is not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I did not specify, so I will give you credit for that answer. How about the next one?" asked St. Peter.

"How many seconds in a year? Now that one is harder," replied Forrest, but I thunk and thunk about that, and I guess the only answer can be twelve."

Astounded, St. Peter said, "Twelve Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"

Forrest replied, "Shucks, there's got to be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd... "

"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you are going with this, and I see your point, though that was not quite what I had in mind.... but I will have to give you credit for that one, too. Let us go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name"?

"Sure," Forrest replied, "it's Andy."

"Andy?" exclaimed an exasperated and frustrated St Peter. "Ok, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"

"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replied. "I learnt it from the song,

"ANDY WALKS WITH ME, ANDY TALKS WITH ME, ANDY TELLS ME I AM HIS OWN."

St. Peter opened the Pearly Gates, and said: "Run Forrest, run."

Our teacher asked us what our favorite animal was, and I said, “Fried chicken.” 

 She said I wasn’t funny, but she couldn’t have been right, everyone else in the class laughed.

My parents told me to always be truthful and honest, and I am. Fried chicken is my favorite animal. I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal’s office. I told him what  happened, and he laughed too. Then he told me not to do it again.

The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favorite live animal  was. I told her it was chicken. She asked me why, just like she’d asked the other children. So I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken. She sent me back to the principal’s office again. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

I don’t understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn’t like it when I am. Today, my teacher asked us to tell her what famous person we admire most.

I told her, “Colonel Sanders”.

Guess where I am now…

and not to be outdone......check out this sketch:Monty Python's Philosophers' World Cup....

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver.

He placed it on top of the instrument panel, and then asked the navigator,

"Do you know what I use this for?"

The navigator replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the navigator replied,

"I'll know we're lost before you will.

The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and tests were done there were three finalists — two men and one woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. “We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside this room you will find your wife sitting in a chair. You have to kill her.”

The first man said, “You can’t be serious. I could never shoot my wife.” The agent replies, “Then you’re not the right man for this job.”

The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the agent came out with tears in his eyes. “I tried, but I can’t kill my wife.” The agent replies, “You don’t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home.”

Finally, it was the woman’s turn. Only she was told to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow and said, “You guys didn’t tell me the gun was loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair!”