I think, therefore, I joke - I joke, therefore, you better laugh (Jan/30/2009 )

casandra on May 8 2010, 02:00 PM said:

I will try reading it few more times; else I will ask one of my canuck friends

A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sums of money was talking to his lawyer.  "If I lose this case, I'll be ruined."

"It's in the judge's hands now," said the lawyer.

"Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?"

"Oh no! This judge is a stickler or ethical behavior. A stunt like that  would prejudice him against you. He might even hold you in contempt of court. In fact, you shouldn't even smile at the judge."

Within the course of time, the judge rendered a decision in favor of the  defendant.

As the defendant left the courthouse, he said to his lawyer, "Thanks for  the tip about the cigars. It worked!"

"I'm sure we would have lost the case if you'd sent them."

"But, I did send them."

"What? You did?" said the lawyer, incredulously.

"Yes. That's how we won the case."

"I don't understand," said the lawyer.

"It's easy. I sent the cigars to the judge, but enclosed the plaintiff's  business card."

casandra on May 8 2010, 07:00 AM said:

Also needed some time to get it...this is a clue too: Read it loud...

"If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate."

hobglobin on May 8 2010, 10:27 AM said:

....he had to make us work for it....


"Isaac Newton was the first discoverer of gravy."

casandra on May 8 2010, 04:35 PM said:

BTW I didn't get your foam and water as clue....

"Time's fun when you're having flies."

hobglobin on May 8 2010, 10:41 AM said:

if you didn't get the foam, then you didn't get the joke......


What's the origin of the universe?

It's started with the big band...

casandra on May 8 2010, 04:59 PM said:

but your clue needs a google search for the non-native speakers: "Hugh and only Hugh can prevent forest fires"....again a twisted clue by multiple-twisted casandra
what about this, for me really difficult:

"A British cat, named One-Two-Three, competes with his French rival, Un-Deux-Trois, in a swim race across the Channel. Guess who won?
Un-Deux-Trois cat sank."

hobglobin on May 8 2010, 11:47 AM said:

but even I can understand this and my french sucks....and it shld be:

Un- Deux-Trois- Catrrrrrrrrrrr-Sank ...you know rrrrrrr for the purrrrrrrr.....

and let's blame Another Jake for that twisted joke...

My fav and the one I always had written on my desk before the eggjams.

''Time passes, will U?'

I still haven't understood the Hugh one. Time I ask a Canuck.

Commission has just announced that English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where! more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as
replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensi bl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

1. I say no to alcohol, it just doesn't listen.
2. A friend in need is a pest indeed.
3. Try & try, if you don't succeed, then CHEAT
4. Work is fine if it doesn't take too much of your time.
5. When everything comes in your way you're in the wrong lane.
6. The light at the end of the tunnel may be an incoming train..
7. Born free, taxed to death.
8. Everyone has a photographic memory, some just don't have film.
9. Life is unsure; always eat your dessert first.
10. Smile, it makes people wonder what you are thinking.
11. If you keep your feet firmly on the ground, you'll have trouble putting on your pants.
12. It's not hard to meet expenses, they are everywhere.
13. I love being a writer... what I can't stand is the paperwork.
14. A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.
15. The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, he was the genius.
16. The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.
17. In a country of free speech, why are there phone bills?
18. If you cannot change your mind, are you sure you have one?
19. Beat the 5 O'clock rush, leave work at noon!
20. If you can't convince them, confuse them.
21. It's not the fall that kills you. It's the sudden stop at the end.
22. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
23. Hot glass looks same as cold glass. - Cunino's Law of Burnt Fingers
24. The cigarette does the smoking you are just the sucker.
25. Someday is not a day of the week
26. Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.
27. To Err is human, to forgive is not a Company policy.
28. The road to success.... Is always under construction.
29. Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.
30. In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.
31. All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive, fattening or in love with someone else!