and yet more words..... - (Jul/27/2009 )

Ripped off from the Washington Post word contests and some science and philosophy forums:

By removing a letter , a new word is formed:

Ecaffeinated - getting a buzz from being online

Iarrhea: Running on about oneself.

Egotiation: An I for an I.

Pectacular: Endowed with an unbelievable chest

and best of all:
XY-moron: A man


By adding a letter thereby changing the meanings:

Bovoid - shaped like a cow

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the reader who doesn't get it.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very high.

Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously.

Glibido: All talk and no action.


Alternate/new meanings of existing/altered words:

Flabbergasted (adj) appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

Lymph (v.) to walk with a lisp.

Bustard (n.) a very rude Metrobus driver.

Coffee (n.) a person who is coughed upon.

Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

Intaxication (n): Euphoria at getting a refund from the IRS, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an a**hole.


.......

And here is another list, originally published on www.Nonsensicon.com, a now abandoned website. But here is a clone.

Only A-E, and unfortunately without a women bash (but here is a nice in the good old Ambrose Bierce's classic Devils dictionary at 'F' for female

<*>Algebretcetera Any mathematical equation that takes up more than a half of a page to complete.
<*>ambidigidexterious (am-be-dij-e-decks-tear-e-us) adjective The ability to easily manipulate the right mouse button.
<*>Amsomnia noun When you can't sleep but don't know it, or when you couldn't sleep but don't remember it.
<*>
<*>Antidisunvipoliffic The opposite of vipolific
<*>Antinostrician noun Someone who, for one reason or another, hates their nose.
<*>Aplasticate verb To smash or squish, as in “Aigh!! A mosquito! Let's APLASTICATE it!”
<*>Awitic noun. Someone who always says “Awwwww!” whenever they see something cute.
<*>Banjaxed verb To be unexpectedly prevented from achieving an objective.
<*>Banshaling noun A bannana impersonating a telephone, usually used when someone is pretending a bananna is a telephone. As in, “That bannana is a banshaling.”
<*>Bittle adjective A little bit.
<*>Blegne The residue that collects at the corners of our mouths.
<*>Blamestorming Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
<*>Blarg noun 1. An alternate pirate exclaimation, the norm being arg! 2. Sap from the roots of the South American Bolobar tree used in the manufacture of cubic zirconium.
<*>Blastnostricate To have a liquid pass through one's nose.
<*>Blinkenspiel noun. The continous blinking of a digital readout, e.g., that of a clock radio or vcr.
<*>Blooblehead noun An immature, perverted, and/or annoying person.
<*>Bloviate To orate verbosely and windily, esp. of politicians.
<*>Borrrgishness Being bored and annoyed at the same time, such as finding nothing on TV when you have 141 channels.
<*>Catsbreadth noun A unit of measurement meaning the width of a cat. “Leave the door open one catsbreadth so the cat can get out while I sleep.”
<*>Carperpetuation verb The process of vacuuming over a piece of lint a dozen times, picking it up, examining it, and putting it back down for a second chance.
<*>Cerebroredundogram noun A word, phrase, or song which keeps running around in your head. Contributed by
<*>Chronosecistness Not being able to find a proper stopwatch for a race and having to use an ordinary watch with just a second hand.
<*>Cinitesiplosmanium noun Element # 416. Will solve all global warming problems and when taken in pill form, will cause everyone to live in piece and harmony. To be discovered in the year 3671.
<*>Cube Farm noun An office filled with cubicles. See also Prairie Dogging.
<*>Decifume (dF) A unit of smell intensity.
<*>Democollated All blown up, completely broken, irreparable, as in “The breaker was completely democolated.”
<*>Diviparenthesism Forgetting to put on an end bracket “)” when you have started a substatement with a “(“. (Hey, we've all done it before.
<*>Doesn'tmatter n. A hypothetical form of matter similar to normal matter, except that it's atoms do not exist. The theory of doesn'tmatter was first proposed by A. E. Roraback to explain the preponderance of apatheticism that permeated the air about him. Mr. Roraback was once known to say, “You of course have heard of anti-matter??? We have taken it one step further. We are so insignificant in the scheme of things that we have what is known as doesn'tmatter. . . Instead of . . . destroying any matter we come in contact with, no one notices.”Dr. R. Tuklov II, an expert on non-existent particles, explains, “In ordinary matter, you have atoms, in which you have a nucleus with lots of electrons spinning wildly around it. In doesn'tmatter, the electrons just sort of sit around despondently.”
<*>Elecceleration The mistaken notion that by pressing an elevator call button many times will make the elevator arrive faster.
<*>Enerdorm n. The part of the brain that controls the speed of your heartbeat during nightmares.
<*>Esoceicy n. Obsession or preoccupation with the little things.
<*>Eyerworks n. The little lights that you see, apparently on the inside of your eyelids, whenever you squeeze your eyes shut for a prolonged period of time.

hobglobin on Jul 28 2009, 04:56 PM said:

another one: Don'tmatter....like our posts........

Here's more than words: (lifted from here plus a bit of tweaking)


Man and Woman

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SYSTEM
MATERIAL SAFETY DATA SHEET

WOMEN: A Chemical Analysis

ELEMENT: Woman
SYMBOL: Wo
DISCOVERER: Adam
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 118 lbs., but known to vary from 110 to 550 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Copious quantities throughout the world

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface usually covered with a painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if incorrectly used.
Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Has a great affinity for gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously without prior warning, and for no known reason.
Insoluble in liquids, but activity greatly increased by saturation in alcohol.
Most powerful money-reducing agent known to man.

COMMON USES:
Highly ornamental, especially in sports cars.
Can be a great aid to relaxation.
Very effective cleaning agent.

TESTS:
Pure specimen turns rosy pink when discovered in natural state.
Turns green when placed beside a better specimen.

HAZARDS:
Highly dangerous except in experienced hands.
Illegal to possess more than one, although several can be maintained at different locations as long as specimens do not come into direct contact with each other.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

HAZARDOUS MATERIALS INFORMATION SHEET
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET

MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS

ELEMENT: MAN
SYMBOL: Ego
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
ATOMIC MASS: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs.
OCCURRENCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)

PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic and Common Sense.
Melts if treated like a God.
Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
Becomes stubborn and unyielding when pressure is applied; yields only when subtlety, subterfuge, flattery are applied.

CHEMICAL PROPERTIES:
Is repelled by concentrated quantities of precious and semi-precious metals and stones (See Jewelery Store). However, is attracted to small quantities of these when viewed worn against the skin of a woman. It is believed woman's skin combines with the aforementioned to create a highly magnetic attraction for this element.
Requires copious quantities of substances known as attention, reassurance, and stroking.
When saturated with Alcohol will be fairly inert and will repel most other elements.
Is repelled by most household appliances and common household cleansers.
Is repelled by small children clothed in diapers, particularly those of the malodorous variety.
Is rendered non-functional when confronted with the items in #5 & #6.
Is neutral to common courtesy and fairness.
Is impervious to embarrassment.

HAZARDS:
May explode spontaneously if wallet is opened.
Most powerful embittering and aggravating agent known to woman.


...

and this is how to politely respond to a journal after your manuscript has been rejected and you get a "your work sucks" letter) ....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Journal Editor,

I regret to inform you that I cannot accept your rejection of my manuscript at this time. As someone struggling to publish in a very competitve field, I have high standards for accepting refusals from editors. Although your letter certainly has merit, and although it may in fact apply to some other submission to your journal, it does not meet my standards as a junior faculty member.

Even if you were to make revisions of your present letter, I am afraid it would not suit my needs. In addition, I at present have a surplus of letters like yours and could not justify accepting it. Given the large number of letters of rejection that I receive, I must be very selective as to which letters I do indeed accept, as I am sure you can understand.

Friends of mine who read your letter gave reviews that were at best mixed. One friend said, "I cannot believe he wrote this letter to you." Another wrote, "This make sense. He just wants to publish work by his buddies." Given the mixed reactions of my friends and my own negative assessment, I would be remiss to accept a letter like yours in its present state. However, should you be willing to send a letter that is more accepting, more open, and more encouraging to publication, I would seriously reconsider my present rejection of your letter.

Best of luck in rejecting future manuscripts.

Sincerely,

Still Upbeat



lifted from academic humor

and this is how to politely respond to a journal after your manuscript has been rejected and you get a "your work sucks" letter) ....

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Journal Editor,

I regret to inform you that I cannot accept your rejection of my manuscript at this time. As someone struggling to publish in a very competitve field, I have high standards for accepting refusals from editors. Although your letter certainly has merit, and although it may in fact apply to some other submission to your journal, it does not meet my standards as a junior faculty member.

Even if you were to make revisions of your present letter, I am afraid it would not suit my needs. In addition, I at present have a surplus of letters like yours and could not justify accepting it. Given the large number of letters of rejection that I receive, I must be very selective as to which letters I do indeed accept, as I am sure you can understand.

Friends of mine who read your letter gave reviews that were at best mixed. One friend said, "I cannot believe he wrote this letter to you." Another wrote, "This make sense. He just wants to publish work by his buddies." Given the mixed reactions of my friends and my own negative assessment, I would be remiss to accept a letter like yours in its present state. However, should you be willing to send a letter that is more accepting, more open, and more encouraging to publication, I would seriously reconsider my present rejection of your letter.

Best of luck in rejecting future manuscripts.

Sincerely,

Still Upbeat



lifted from academic humor
so funny..

try out Larry the labrat, quite old and without frills but not bad

e.g. this one:

hobglobin on Aug 27 2009, 01:20 PM said:

can you please translate this for us, non-geeks... ..Larry, le love-sick lab rat....a more apt title....

Quite easy: \"Would you like to see my etchings?\"

hobglobin on Aug 27 2009, 01:46 PM said:

and Lisa's reply: \frac{1}{2}(\cos(ax-bx)-\cos(ax+bx))-\frac{k}{2}(\cos(ax+bx)+\cos(ax-bx))=-1
translation: You pervert!!!!