''friendship'' in academia - how important is it really? (Aug/19/2010 )
gebirgsziege on Thu Aug 26 06:32:06 2010 said:
pito, do you really think that this is making a difference?
and btw I think tj was thinking about the friendship of your superiours, so if your boss does not like you he will tell all his friends where you might need something or apply for a job that you are not good and so you will have no chance to get into their circle, but have to look for something else to do.
Eum, you do have a point there.
But to be honest, it always suprises me how much anger and bad "feelings" there are at certain labs, between labs etc.. I really do not understand this.
gebirgsziege on Thu Aug 26 06:32:06 2010 said:
pito, do you really think that this is making a difference?
and btw I think tj was thinking about the friendship of your superiours, so if your boss does not like you he will tell all his friends where you might need something or apply for a job that you are not good and so you will have no chance to get into their circle, but have to look for something else to do.
Gebz is right. (Been there.) Sometimes they do that if they want to keep you, too...which screws you when they can't afford to keep you and they spent the last few years trashing you behind your back.
Can your friend talk to the graduate school provost and get some help? The uni-level graduate school administration is probably the best place to go, since you are getting nowhere at the departmental level.
Just curious: tj did the situation of your friend get better or is she still stuck?
hi gebz,
i think she's better now, but after talking with her, and having a look at her data, i have a very bad feeling that the lack of supervision she had during 3 years will hit her really hard...
the other problem i see is her own personality, she gets very easily intimidated (?) by her supervisor, and rather than confronting him she looks for help in people who can't really do much about it and keeps putting it off. time is running and honestly, i don't see any easy way out of this.
Thats bad. I know such people and most of them left academia and some of them a number of jobs frustrated and angry on their bosses. In fact I "lost" one of my students because she was this way (she simply "vanished" just before finishing her master, for what I heard from third parties the reasons you mentioned in your first post, although she did not ask for any help and when asked if she needs help everything was working fine and there seemed to be no need to help her), so I know the other side as well, if somebody does not tell that there is something wrong it is difficult to react and to treat them in the right way. Because most of us (not only when supervising people) are very busy and lack the time to be really empathic towards our colleagues at work.
I hope your friend will recognise soon that she is responsible for her own well being and needs to confront people when things are going wrong. I keep my fingers crossed that she will make the best out of the situation and is able to finish her PhD in time.
it happens only on eastern countries