SCIENTIST IDENTIFICATION KIT - (Jul/01/2008 )
Saw this one on the net.....
Science is so trendy these days that everyone wants to be one. the word
'scientist' is greatly overused. If there's somebody in your life who you
think is trying to pass as a scientist, give him/her this test to discern
the truth:
You walk into a room and notice that a picture is hanging crooked. You...
A. Straighten it.
B. Ignore it.
C. Buy a CAD system and spend the next six months designing a solar-powered,
self-adjusting picture frame while often stating aloud your belief that the
inventor of the nail was a total moron.
The correct answer is "C" but partial credit can be given to anybody who
writes "it depends" in the margin of the test or who simply blames the whole
stupid thing on "marketing".
2. SOCIAL SKILLS
Scientists have different objectives when it comes to social interaction.
"Normal" people expect to accomplish several unrealistic things from social
interaction:
* Stimulating and thought provoking conversation;
* Important social contacts;
* A feeling of connectedness with other humans.
In contrast to "normal" people, scientists have rational objectives for
social interactions:
* Get it over with as soon as possible;
* Avoid getting invited to something unpleasant;
* Demonstrate mental superiority and mastery of all subjects.
3. FASCINATION WITH GADGETS
To the scientist, all matter in the universe can be placed into one of two
catagories: (1) things that need to be fixed, and (2) things that will need
to be fixed after you've had a few minutes to play with them.
Scientists like to solve problems. If there are no problems handily
available, they will create their own. "Normal" people don't understand this
concept, they believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Scientists
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
No scientist looks at a TV remote control without wondering what it would
take to turn it into a stun gun. No scientist can take a shower without
wondering if some sort of Teflon coating would make showering unnecessary.
To the scientist, the world is a toy box full of sub-optimized and
feature-poor toys.
4. FASHION AND APPEARANCE
Clothes are the lowest priority for a scientist, assuming the basic
thresholds for temperature and decency have been satisfied. If no appendages
are freezing or sticking together, and no genitalia or mammary glands are
swinging around in plain view, then the objective of clothing has been met.
5. LOVE OF "STAR TREK"
Scientists love all of the Star Trek TV shows and movies. It's a small
wonder, since the scientists on the USS Enterprise are portrayed as heroes,
occasionally even having sex with aliens. this is much more glamorous than
the life of a real scientist, which consists of hiding from the Universe and
having sex without the participation of any other life forms.
The fastest way to get a scientist to solve a problem is to declare that
the problem is unsolvable. No scientist can walk away from an unsolvable
problem until it's solved. No illness or distraction is sufficient to get
the scientist off the case. These types of challenges quickly become
personal - a battle between the scientist and the laws of nature.
Scientists will go without food and hygiene for days to solve a problem
(other times just because they forgot). And when they succeed in solving
the problem they will experience an ego rush that is better than sex - and
we're including the kind of sex where other people are involved.
Nothing is more threatening to the scientist than the suggestion that
somebody else has more technical skill. "Normal" people sometimes use that
knowledge as a lever to extract more work from the scientist.
Also works very well if "scientist" is replaced by "engineer".
Actually, isn't the 'original' version about engineers????
doesn't really suit for scientists I think; at least biologists
Yeah, I agree with bungalow boy...scientist doesn't really apply able for biologist.
Hmm... Got this on the mail. So didn't check the origin. But traced it out... its from
http://www.xs4all.nl/~jcdverha/scijokes/8.html#might.be_6
The original has been edited 
I couldnt agree more... doesnt apply for biologists, at least none of the ones I know, but definitely describes engineers to almost perfection
so are u scientist?
Hahahaha, I think you are describing a GEEK!!, someone who lives in front of a computer, a physicists, or an engineer ( although I know many engineers that are nothing like that).
I do agree with everyone that said biologists are not like that. I might be a little out of the norm, but I care a lot a fashion and still manage to work in the lab long hours, I HATE Star Trek and social skills are one of my best assets. I think every scientist has a different level of GEEKism, I'm using my own here in this site, hehehe.