Lonliest person in the world - (Dec/18/2006 )
It is amazing how sad one can feel despite having material satisfaction. It’s a cliché. Have heard it thousands of times since I was a child. But can’t feel it more, than today, as an adult. I hail from a modest middle class family in India. I always wanted to do my higher education in the US. Coming to the US seemed like such a dream back then. All the money you can have, and the material comforts by coming to the US. I remember we didn’t have a computer at home back then, and just one phone connection. We were allowed to make a given number of calls per month, as we couldn’t afford a phone bills. Living independently and having my own apartment was unthinkable. I have a job, pays well but wreath with interpersonal stress and hostility. I have an apartment, I live alone, pay my own bills, have a car. But couldn’t feel more empty. I live in a big big vibrant city-but couldn’t feel more lonely.
All my friends are married. No one keeps in touch. They all are nice people, but nobody keeps in touch (may be because I am so sad and have invisible negative energies around me which pushes people away). Had a boyfriend when I was 22. Probably the only time in my life when I felt truly loved. Had a bad bad breakup. Took 5 years to get over him. Hear that he is married now. Still think of those college days, I still think of all the good times I spent with him with fondness.
I always thought when I grow up things would get all right. I thought I will feel happy when I buy my first cell phone, my first car,…… when time passes, things will get ok. I will get a better job, I will get nicer colleges, of course I will make more friends, and of course I will find somebody to love. But I am still waiting for that ‘happy fulfilling’ feeling.
I am beautiful and kind. I have had no love life what so ever, except that one time. I have been bullied by stronger people at school. I have been bullied by stronger people at work. I have been framed and wrongfully terminated- because they were stronger and they could. I have been a victim of the stronger person’s jealously. The stronger person has always won. Have gone through more than my share of pain and humiliation.
I have never had a sense of belonging to my family. Mother is a strong tough personality, a socialite, busy with parties and shopping. Sometimes I wondered if she even knew that I existed.. Dad is stoic, a scientist. I have hardly ever seen him outside his study. He rarely talks. Hardly seen my parents talk, unless one is humiliating the other. My parents never got alng. Mom always thought (and made it known) that dad never paid enough attention to her. She was right, he didn’t, because he had other priorities- his work. I had to bear the brunt of her insecurity. She would take out all her anger on me, as dad liked me and preferred speaking to me than to her. As I grew up, she because more and more harsh, till she eventually started hating me. She would hit me, use abusive language, at home and in public. I have always felt bad for my parents, both are such nice people individually-but put them together and its acid.
Coming to the US was more like getting out of jail rather than to a land of opportunity to do my PhD. I was happy to be alone in the ‘big bad world’ as there was no peace at home anyway.
I have had a very lonely life. I have fought all my battles alone. All of them-alone.
Blessed are those who have found true love. Love in the form of mother, father, friends or husband.
Don't worry. All will be well. You shouldnot lose hope.
Your career and life in the real sense are just beginning.
Stay positive and do whatever it takes to keep yourselves engaged in positive and healthy activities, like Meditation, Sports, Reading (Swami Vivekananda).
Look at the millions who are so underpriviliged compared to you, but are still fighting it out and making a life.
Derive inspiration and develop positive attitude towards life.
please cheer up
may be because its the holidays season so u think like that...
every event in our life can be explained in both ways , u can also look at the same glass and sayits half empty instead of saying its half full....
think of millions of people in ur country who share the same history and background but didnt get ur apportuninty to study and continue ur life...
think of millions of children who live in war or poverty and they cant do anything to solve it...
if u loose hope so it doesnt worth living ....
have faith in ur heart that someday u will find someone who loves u and try to forgive ur parents and communicate more with them and ur friends too..
we are all here ur friends any time u want to talk.
Hello Lonely Blacksheep,
First thing is. . . U are no longer alone now . . welcome to the Bioforum. U are with us .. we have a community here and everyone here will love U like we love each other here . . at times we have fights over small matters, sometimes we share jokes, we share a lot and what we all enjoy doing here is talking a lot.
We have faces 
. . . we share laughter 
. . we smile for each other 
. . when we are worried 
. . when we are unsure . . 
. . when we are confused 
. . .there will be someone or the other who will make U feel at home here 
If U want some one to come and say 'Cheer Up!'. . .. just knock the door of Bioforum and U will find millions of voices in a second.
Welcome dear and smile always. . . don't feel lonely.
I would suggest U should change ur 'nick' too . . We are all sure U have a nice person in U that has a different name. (And also let us know U are with us)
And, family thing. . . who has a perfect family? The good thing about having a family is we can love them without any hesitation, we can accept them the way they are . . . they feel we are theirs so they do all those sort of things. . . no one will hate a stranger . . .
Don't compare urself with anyone. . . it is ur life.. . get the best out of it. . brain tends to remember things more during times of stress so all that remains are bad memories. . . so don't worry about them. Be urself! Forget what others say and what others do.
Someone suggested reading many things. . . that sounds not so good . . all they are written are to make people more sad about life. . . . best is music! Keep urself busy, travel a lot. . .
At the end of the day we are all alone. . . when we are walking up hill . . we are always alone. . . there is no harm to be and there is nothin sad about it. . .we are all like that . . just that some enjoy their life at those moment while others start feeling lonely. . . stop thinking . .
That's why I always say 'Simple Living, Not thinking' . . . that is golden!!!!!
By the way .. . nearly forgot to say this. .
U claim to be the 'lonliest person in the world'. . . wake up!! If U want to compete.. . I am ready . . I say I am the lonliest . . U may take the second position if no one else here objects. 
i object
please come to an island like japan and find what is loanliness
Thanks you everryone specially Nabin for all those kind words.
I am surprized that you feel lonley in Japan. I thought Japan was a very happening place.
U claim to be the 'lonliest person in the world'. . . wake up!! If U want to compete.. . I am ready . . I say I am the lonliest . . U may take the second position if no one else here objects.
So sorry to hear that Nabin....why are you lonely?
sorry to hear that blacksheep and nabin.....
like nabin said....at the end of the day we are all alone.....please cheer up....face each day with a smile....u never know what/whos round the corner!....and yes....we have a glass and some water....THAT is what should be celebrated!....and not cautiously!....
also.....life has a way of balancing itself out.....if u have had a hard time all this while, to me thats an indication of fantastic times ahead!....
keep smiling,
fyre
please come to an island like japan and find what is loanliness .. . I am already in Japan and Japan is good. I dunno why U find this place lonely. It is hard to be alone here.
I thought Japanese are nice but they are 'supernice' . . . there should be no objection to this.
They talk less and show their affection less but where in the world will U find people who care about others so much. Until U approach them, U wont find a fren in Japan because nature of Japanese people is such that they fear they may breach into other's private life, so they may not initiate a relationship but once U invite them to ur space U will never get a chance to be lonely.
Don't be sorry. It's okay! I read ur story and asked myself if I am lonely. Well, there are so many ways I can feel lonely too but there are plenty others that does not let me feel lonely.
Everyone here has a story to tell and reasons to be lonely. Difference is just that which face of life U give priority to.
I have reasons to feel lonely but I give more priority to the other face of life. I may be alone but my frens who are miles away will never let me feel lonely.
So, go around, there are plenty of good people in this world. Bump into bad ones sometimes but don't despair and think that is the end of the world. They are there just to make U remember that worse can happen.
. .
keep smiling,
fyre
Fyre.. . thank U for ur words. . . but am not that bad. Have smile always!!! see