Kinda angry... partner is getting me down :( - (Mar/02/2009 )

Kami23 on Mar 2 2009, 04:14 PM said:

I really understand you are frustrated (have been in a similar situation). Working more than 50h every week and doing all the house-work is hard. Especially if you do not get any support from your partner who is sitting at home all day long.
The worst thing you can do is skipping work to support him at home! This is causing more and more pressure for you. Your workload increases at home and at work....you will feel more and more exhausted.....and we all know where this could end.
So even if its hard, like was said previously: you have to confront him (and yourself) with the situation. And something must change, as you are telling us that you are suffering from the situation. Your husband is grown up so he must take some responsibility for his and your life. And you must decide how much pressure you can take as you seem to think it is partly your fault that your husband is sitting at home depressed. But it is not your fault; you have been discussing this topic before moving and he promised you something! So clean up your mind: How important is your relationship? What can you take to keep this relationship? And what do you expect your partner to do to get things straight again?

No easy decisons, but whatever you decide to do, you should be happy with your decison in the long run....

Didn't see the two were married but were "partners" - a "former" best friend with benefits now parasite.

Prob time to become an adult and call the question.

poor guy, definitively depressed, temporal low self steem and on top of that a world economic crisis that doesn't help either. but life is not easy. so he'll just have to suck it up and get his butt working in whatever is available. little money is better than no money.

I just want to say this situation happens every where. You need to communicate well. Just say what you want to say but let him understand that going out to work is good for him. You can encourge him and even help hime to look for the job. He needs to rebuild his confidence!
When my husband came to with me, I have already been working in a uni in Australia for 9 months. He was willing to do anything at the beginning even he got a PhD as well: he went to the chinese factory to do the part time job, 10 AUD per hour. I didn't want him to do this job but then I thought it was good for him to go out of house. And we keep looking for job in the uni. 3 months later, he found a postdoc job in the same uni to mine. We were happy at that time. But, after 5 months, we thought we were wrong. His boss is very bad and I felt that my husband was deeply hurted. He was always nervous and upset and unhappy. At the same time, I am pregnant. So, my husband decieded to resign the job and come back home to take care of me. I was moved. Then, in the following one year, he took care of me and our baby. He did all the house work and he went back to the factory again. He was called "house husband" by some bodies. I know he cared about it but he was a little bit scared to go out to look for job after he experienced that bad boss. I realized that I can not let this situation going on: I should help him to look for the job and rebuild his confidence. Finally, I found a job in France and he got a job in the same orgnization as well. He is working very well now and He has his confidence back!
So, don't worry too much. You can get this through!

You really need to tell him what this is doing to you. Tell him how much pressure you are under and how this is just dragging you down. Tell him that you need him and his help to make it through. You shouldn't do this in an accusing, guilt-tripping manner but a matter of fact, plea for help. If he truly loves you, he'll see that you can not continue like this and should be willing to be more helpful. If, after you tell him how hard this whole situation is for you and how much you need his help, he does not change at all, he doesn't love you the way he should. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you but just that he's not willing to treat you and the relationship properly. You two are supposed to be a team. The two of you against the rest of the world. Once it becomes you against him and the entire world, the team is gone and you are best cutting your losses. Not an easy thing to hear and much harder to do but if your partner isn't willing to help you in a time of need, what good is he really??? He's just become a drain and will pull you down until there is nothing left. In a relationship, you will only be treated as well as you demand to be treated. If you let him walk all over you without consequences, he'll wallk all over you. I'm so sorry for your situation. I know it's so difficult but you must talk with him and tell him exactly how you are feeling. This situation is completely unfair to you and simply unacceptable anymore. Something has to give and change, the question is just what's going to give and where is the change going to occur? Seems like up to this point it's been all about him, what about you? You have a right to demand certain expectations and assistance from him. Unfortunantly this is going to be a huge, potentially relationship-breaking conversation but it's time for you to see the true colors of this man and see what he is like under pressure and when confronted with his own faults. This is the true test for anyone.

p.s. DO NOT, DO NOT, DO NOT miss anymore work because of this guy!!! If you loose your job, the situation will just have become a million times worse!!! A clean house just isn't worth the risk of loosing your job.

rkay447 on Mar 3 2009, 01:21 PM said:

Kami23 on Mar 4 2009, 10:56 PM said: